Samurai Hank
by Conservatoons
Summary: When Hank gets kidnapped by a group of ninjas, he returns one year later to test his powers.
1. Hank returns

Hank was reading the newspaper, Peggy was cooking lunch, and Bobby was doing nothing. It was just an average Sunday afternoon.

"Hmm..." Hank said. "Tom Landry Middle School is having a funfair. Wanna go Bobby?" Bobby was sleeping at the kitchen table. Hank sighed. Peggy put the food on the table and they ate.

"Hey Hank, could you go do some errands for me?" Peggy said. "I need you to get me some more eggs." Hank got up and walked outside. He saw his friends drinking by the fence. He saw Dale doing some kinda monkey dance in front of the other guys. He didn't know what they were doing.

"Gibblet heads..." Hank said to himself. Before he could put his car keys in the door, a group of ninjas jumped out of the bushes.

"What the hell?" Hank said. The ninjas surrounded him in a circle. Suddenly a ninja came from behind and palm strucked Hank in the back. He turned around as if nothing happened.

"Hey you Mr. that was uncalled for!" Hank said.

"You will learn young padawan, that this was for the better. You have been hit by the five step paralysis punch." The monk said.

"You sound like something off of a Jackie Chan movie." Hank said. He took five steps and fell to the ground.

"Hey, what the hell did you do to me?" Hank said. The ninjas picked him up and ran away.

"Will they accept this man?" One of the ninjas said.

"He seems very hardworking. And he has lots of potential." One of the other ninjas said. They left a note on Hank's front door.

Dear family,

I have decided to leave and become a master samurai. I will come back in a year to show off my awesome powers and my knowledge. Peggy, you will have to be the man of the house. Please take care of my boy and make sure he does not join the dark side.

Love, Hank Hill

ONE YEAR LATER:

Peggy was watching t.v and Bobby was sleeping in his room. Peggy heard knocking on the door. She got up to see who it was. She opened the door, revealing Hank's dramatic transformation.

"H...Hank?" Peggy said. "I can barely recognize you." Hank was wearing a white robe, with a katana strapped to his back. He grew his hair out and tied it in a bunch. He got rid of his American glasses and changed it to Japenese, square and black glasses. He even wore socks with sandals.

"Oh Hank, your back!" Peggy went to over to hug him, but Hank stopped her by throwing his deadly fist at her, just inches away from her face. He kept it close to her, freezing her where she stood.

"H-hank? Why won't you Hug me?" Peggy said, as her voice shook in fear. There was silence in the room. After a few seconds, he put his hands together and bowed.

"Sorry, I thought you were going to attack me." Hank said.

"Hank, i'm your wife." Peggy said.

"I am a samurai first, and husband second." Hank said. Bobby heard his father and walked into the living room.

"So anyways, where is my seed?" Hank said. Bobby walked over to Hank.

"Bobby, is that you?" Hank said. Bobby was so traumatized By what Hank did a year ago, he became Emo.

"Up yours, dad!" Bobby said, as he ran away from him.

"Peggy, what has happened to him? Has he turned to the dark side?" Hank said.

"Well, if you hadn't left, he would've never turned out like this." Peggy said. "I don't even know you anymore."

"I have to save my son." Hank said. "Goodbye Peggy." He turned into a cloud of smoke and vanished. Bobby was riding his bike, when Hank teleported in front of him.

"Woah! That's sick!" Bobby said.

"Bobby, I am upset that you turned out like this. But don't worry, I shall teach you the ways of the samurai." Hank said. Bobby had realized that his father was actually cool, and decided it wouldn't hurt to make him proud again.

"But dad, it took you a year to learn. What if it takes me that long?" Bobby said.

"If you have a dragon seal, you will have all the knowledge of a samurai." Hank said. "I have one. The monks gave it to me after I was done with my training. But people who have dragon seals can give them to other people. When I give you it, you will become a master samurai."

"Aww sweet!" Bobby said. "So when can I have it."

"Soon Bobby. But right now, I have some business to take care of. I have to test my powers." Hank poofed into smoke and went over to Kahn's house. He knocked on the door.

"What is it you stupid red... Samurai?" Kahn said, confused.

"I sense a powerful energy in your house!" Hank said, as he walked in.

"Hey you stupid samurai, get off my property!" Kahn said. Hank was sensing energy by meditating on the floor. He took his shirt off and let his dragon seal sense it for him.

"Hhmmm... Cold... Colder... Warmer... Hot!... Very hot!..." Hank got up and ran into Connie's room. Kahn chased after him.

"Hey you, get out of my house!" Kahn said. Hank turned around and rapidly poked him all over his body.

"I can't... Move!" Kahn said.

"I Chi-Blocked you gibblet head!" Hank said, as he ran to Connie's room, Pulling his katana out. He sliced the door in half and kicked it down. He startled Connie.

"Mr. Hill, what's going on?" Connie said, as she was in the middle of her violin lesson.

"Demon!" Hank cried out, as he slice her forehead open. He grabbed the forehead and sucked the life out of her. He focused it in a ball of energy, and purified it, turning it from dark to light.

"What did you do to my daughter?" Kahn said, as he heard the noise in her room. Hank didn't answer. He took her energy and put it back inside of her, sealing it back in and making her pure.

"Oh, um, nothing." Hank said, as he jumped out of her window. Bobby was at school. Him and Joseph were once friends, but then he became total schmuck. When Bobby became Emo, he was an outcast. He wasn't the chubby kid that made jokes anymore.

"Yeah I workout. So what? You wanna see my biceps?" Joseph said, talking to some schoolgirls. They were in detention. Bobby was watching him, sitting in his chair. But he didn't care, because he knew his father was gonna make him a master samurai. Meanwhile, Hank was going over to Strickland Propane. Buck Strickland wasn't doing so good without Hank, but was able to find a replacement. Hank walked towards the place, wearing his samurai armor. They heard the clanking of his armor from afar. He walked in, examining the place. He then saw an old friend walk towards him.

"Welcome to Strickland Propane! Taste the meat, not the heat!" Hank's replacement said. His name was Hal, a man who looked exactly like him.

"Well, why don't you taste the steel!" Hank cried out, as he pulled out his supernatural katana. Hal ran away, but Hank was able to kill him, shooting lightning from the end of his sword. Enrique, Joe Jack, and Donna ran away, exiting from the back. Mr. Strickland came out of the bathroom, tying his belt back on.

"Dang it Hal, what is going o-" Buck suddenly cut-off his sentence, looking at his dead employee.

"H-Hal! What happened to y-" Buck cut himself off once again, looking at the samurai.

"Who are you? Did you kill my employee?" Buck said.

"Yes, I did." Hank said, as he took off his helmet. "You probably remember me. I used to work for you."

"Hank? What happened to you?" Buck said.

"I became a master samurai!" Hank said, as he pointed his sword at Buck's face. "You are selling an impure gas that can harm people's lives. I want you to shutdown this place, or else."

"Never! This is how I make my money Hank!" Buck said. There was silence in the room. Buck was worried he might kill him where he stood.

"Arlight Buck, here's how we settled this. If you defeat me in combat, you can keep your business. But if I defeat you, your business will have to be shutdown. If you refuse, I shall strike you down!" Hank said. Buck nodded and the two shaked hands.

"We shall fight tomorrow..." Hank said, giving Buck an intimidating look.


	2. Bobby becomes a samurai

After he left Strickland Propane, he went back home. They were having dinner. Peggy put the food on the table.

"Here you go Hank." Peggy said, as she placed the burger on the table.

"I will not eat this!" Hank cried out, as he threw the dish on the floor.

"What is your problem?" Peggy said.

"Peggy, I am a vegan now. I do not eat living beings." Hank said.

"Well then get your own food!" Peggy marched out of the kitchen, at the same time Bobby came in.

"So dad, can I have my dragon seal now?" Bobby said.

"Tonight Bobby." Hank said. "But right now, I need to hunt for food." Hank got up and dashed out of the house. He stopped at his driveway and pulled out a whistle.

*Uses whistle* "I call upon you, Guardora!" Hank cried out, as a golden dragon came from out of nowhere. He was the size of his truck. Hank got on, and flew away. Bobby witnessed what Hank did. It was so awesome that his chewed up burger fell out of his mouth, as his jaw dropped. Hank and Guardora were flying across a field, looking for food.

"Wait Guardora, I sense something in that house over there." Hank said. They flew over to the house. A farmer and his wife lived there. Hank walked over to their door.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Hank said. The old farmer opened the door.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" The farmer said. Hank said nothing and went into the house. He started meditating with his shirt off, like what he did in Kahn's house.

"I sense... Watermelon! A huge watermelon!" Hank got up to claim his food. The farmer ran after him with a shotgun.

"That's my watermelon! Die!" The man shot Hank in the thigh.

"Agh! You shot me!" Hank cried out, holding his wound. The farmer grabbed his precious melon and his wife. They ran outside and got in their car.

"What's going on Clem?" The farmer's wife said.

"A samurai's after my watermelon. We need to get out of here!" The farmer said, as they drove away.

*Uses whistle* "Guardora... I call upon you!" Hank said, limping out of the house. Guardora came and he climbed on top of the dragon.

"Follow that car! We need the watermelon to feast upon!" Hank said. Guardora went after the car. The beast was right behind them.

"Is that a dragon? What the-" The farmer grabbed his chest, unable to finish his sentence.

"Mable, i'm having a heart attack!" He said to his wife. He stopped the car, giving Guardora the opportunity to grab the melon. The dragon used its claws to stab into the car's roof, flying away with it.

"Wait-a-go boy!" Hank said. Guardora pinned the car in between two trees. Hank grabbed his katana.

"Alright, let's get me my dinner!" Hank cried out, as he jumped off and landed on the car's roof. He used his katana to slice the roof in half. Using his supernatural strength, he split the roof open, seeing the melon. The farmer's wife saw Hank and screamed.

"Sorry, but I needed that fruit." Hank said, grabbing the watermelon and jumping back on his dragon.

"Bye!" Hank said, as they flew away. He returned home to feast upon his fruit.

"Where'd you get that Hank?" Peggy said.

"I defeated a farmer and obtained his food." Hank said. Meanwhile, Bobby was in his room. He painted his room black and had posters of My Chemical Romance. He wasn't just Emo, he was super Emo!

"Shut up Joseph, I "will" become a samurai! If you make fun of me again, I will strike you down with my katana!" Bobby said, talking to Joseph on the phone.

"Your a loser, and even if you do become a samurai, you'll just be a samurloser." Joseph said, thinking his joke was funny. Bobby turned off the phone in anger. He turned on his t.v and watched Invader Zim.

"This show is sick! I need to write a fan fic about it." Bobby said. After eating his watermelon, Hank walked into Bobby's room.

"Good lord Bobby, what happened to your room?" Hank said.

"Dad, i'm an Emo now. It's who I am." Bobby said.

"Emo? Is it something from the dark side?" Hank said, sitting on Bobby's Invader Zim bed.

"It stands for emotional goth."

"Goth? What's that?"

"Well, um... It's kinda complicated dad."

"Well ok, I just hope it's not evil. Anyways, let's go get you a dragon seal." Hank and Bobby walked to the driveway. He told bobby to sit in Indian style. He drew a circle around Bobby with chalk, and place candles around it. Bobby took his shirt off to recieve his seal. Hank placed one hand on his back and used the other to perform hand signs.

"Ino, Tori, Sato, Makar, frotok, corri, didar, laza, pegar, tarx, xeno, mooey, agra, quata, gaga, tarzan, poo, pee, taco, mono, BLARGRAKKOMAZA!" After finishing his hand signs, Hank gave Bobby the dragon seal.

"Agh!" Bobby cried out in pain, causing him to pass-out. Hank picked up his son and brought him back to his room.

"My boys a samurai..." Hank said to himself. He went to the bathroom to heal his wound from the shotgun. Hank trained all night so he can defeat Buck Strickland.

"I'm... Going... To... Defeat you... Strickland!" Hank said, doing some push-ups.


	3. Hank does the honorable thing

It was the next day, and Hank was prepared to fight his former boss. He put on his samurai armor, and grabbed his katana. Right before he was about to leave, he went over to Bobby's room and gave him a ninja robe like his and a supernatural katana. He opened the door to leave, but Peggy stopped him.

"Hank, where are you going?" Peggy said.

"I'm fighting Buck Strickland so he can shut down his harmful business." Hank said.

"Hank, you need to work so we can support our family! We barely survived without you." Peggy said. Hank grabbed something out of his pocket. It was a small pouch filled with glowing sand. Hank poured it into his hand and blew it into Peggy's face. After breathing in the sand, she completely forgot what she was saying.

"You will support me as a samurai and forget who I was before." Hank said, brainwashing Peggy. He got on his golden dragon and went over to Strickland Propane. Meanwhile, Buck was loading up his shotgun. He heard the clanking of Hank's armor. Buck went outside with his gun and the two faced each other once again.

"Buck! End your business or face the consequences!" Hank cried out.

"Never..." Buck aimed his gun at Hank and shot at him. But Hank deflected it using his katana. He rushed towards him with his katana and a dagger he had hidden. Buck blocked Hank's sword strike with his shotgun, cutting it in half and causing Hank's sword to fly off his hand. Hank jumped back.

"Hahaha!" Hank laughed like an anime character. "You may have taken my sword out, but I still have my dagger!" He threw his dagger at Buck, impaling him in the chest.

"I nearly missed your heart." Hank said. Buck took the dagger out and threw it back at him. But Hank caught in between his two fingers, just inches away from his face.

"Nice try Buck, but you lose!" Hank vanished out of thin air and teleported behind Buck. He turned around and got hit by Hank's chop to the head.

"Aaahhhh!" Buck cried out. "I've got a migraine!" He had a ringing in his ears.

"Will you end your business?" Hank said. Buck hesitated for a moment, still groggy from the fight.

"Fine, you win! Just leave me alone." Buck said. Hank grabbed his katana and went over to Strickland Propane.

*Uses whistle* "I call upon you Guardora!" Hank cried out. Guardora flew over Strickland Propane and blew it up using his atomic breath. Hank got on his dragon and went back home.

"It's just about time for Bobby to wake up." Hank said. He went into Bobby's room, just as he was about to wake up. Hank turned on the lights.

"Good morning my little samurai." Hank said. Bobby rubbed his eyes and got out of bed.

"Here is your garment and katana." He said, as he gave it to Bobby.

"Woa, awesome!" Bobby said. "So what do I do now?"

"You test your powers Bobby. Just don't use it for evil." Bobby put on his outfit and went to school. Hank decided to visit Dale, Bill, and Boomhaur for a beer, since he had nothing else to do. He changed his samurai outfit to his casual white T-shirt and jeans and got a haircut. He looked like his old self again, besides the fact that he was ripped. He saw his friends drinking by the fence, and decided to join them once again.

"Hey guys, look who came back!" Hank said.

"Hank!" His friends said, happy to see him. He grabbed a beer.

"Bill, you look different since the last time I saw you." Hank said. Bill had lost a lot of weight and shaved his body hair. He cleaned himself up, wearing a white T-shirt.

"So I guess your the new Hank." Hank said, as he chuckled. Hank talked about how he became a samurai and said how he made Bobby one too. They talked about their lives and laughed at each other's jokes. Everything was back to normal. Meanwhile, Bobby was flying to school, with his awesome samurai powers. He went inside, as everyone stared at his unusual look.

"Bobby? Are you... a... samurai?" Joseph said in shock. Bobby walked over to him, slowly pulling out his katana.

"Yes I am. Do you know that I am powerful enough to destroy you?" Bobby said, acting very regal.

"Um... Ok?" Joseph said, beginning to get scared. Everyone at school surrounded the two, waiting to see if Bobby would actually destroy Joseph.

"Remember when you called me a samurloser?" Bobby said, placing his sword to Joseph's neck.

"Stop it Bobby!" Joseph said, throwing him to the ground. Bobby got up and lifted Joseph off his feet, using only one hand.

"Have at it!" Bobby cried out, throwing Joseph across the hall. He then proceeded to fire lasers out of his katana, as the rapid strikes caused explosions. The explosions caught the whole school on fire. Joseph dodged his attacks and escaped from the back door, running through the field.

"You won't get away that easily Joseph!" Bobby cried out, as he teleported outside. "Fireball!" Bobby cried, as his katana shot balls of fire at Joseph. Several fireballs hit him, knocking him off his feet.

"Lightning Blaze!" Bobby cried out, as he stabbed his katana into the ground, creating a massive electric earthquake underneath Joseph. It suddenly exploded, hitting him with 80,000 kilowatts, disintegrating Joseph.

"Now then..." Bobby said. "It's time to test my powers..." Meanwhile, Hank was finished with his 15 beers, (he has the ability to consume unlimited amounts alcohol) and went back home. What he saw was a horrified Peggy watching the news.

"Hank... Our little boy's on the news!" Peggy said. "He's destroying the school!"

"Oh no... He joined the dark side!" Hank said.

"What are we going to do?"

"Hhmmm... I could take his soul out and purify it... But sadly I have failed at being a samurai master!"

"So?"

"So I have dishonored my people. I must do the honorable thing..." Hank grabbed his katana and fell to his knees.

"H-hank? What are you doing?" Peggy said.

"Goodbye Peggy... Dale... Bill... Boomhaur... Ladybird... And even you Bobby..." Hank stabbed and gutted himself. He fell to the ground.

"Agh! Hank!" Peggy cried out. Meanwhile, Bobby was on an unstoppable path. He was flying through the air, with spikey long hair and a lightning aura.

"P... Peggy?" Hank said. "I didn't gut myself right." Peggy did an epic face palm. Bobby shot a huge blast from his mouth, wiping out Arlen.

THE END

(Yes, I did rush the ending, but next time I'll spend my time doing the whole story and publishing it as a completed Fan fiction.)


End file.
